I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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