Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize