i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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