He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
