i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
