it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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