just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just pee around me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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