i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
