I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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