Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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