OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize