Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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