On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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