True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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