It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
