Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
