That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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