Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
