Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
