my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
