Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
