you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize