so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
