Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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