Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
