I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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