Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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