these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
