he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
