The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
