So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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