How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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