between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
