Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
