I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
