if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
