so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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