i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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