tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
