people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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