You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
