I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize