last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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