I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
