whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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