she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sober January is a disaster.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
