I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
