the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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