we have pet lesbian snakes
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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