I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's get the cat blown out
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
