I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
