i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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