Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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