I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
