I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
