She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
