I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
