hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
