what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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