There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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