My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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