In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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