Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
