my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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