she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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