why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
