They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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