I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
