i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
