wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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